Upon a Night

When I was 16 or so, I would lay on my bed at night,

turn out the lights, and watch colorful patterns emerge.

Happy forms would prance and dance, promising

partying, dizzying sex, and enjoyment of all life in general.

Nowadays, in the dark, as I lie and wait for sleep,

other forms emerge and flow across my inner screen.

Misshapen, ugly, brown mottled colors, demonic intents...

They enlarge, blow up, swallow me and I feel them full-on.

They turn into regrets, disappointments, failures unresolved,

Missed chances, wrong things said, judgment errors aplenty.

Why oh why didn't I do this, say that, try the other instead?

I have to let loose a gutteral growl before rising to get a sip

of tap water and slosh it around in my dry, discouraged mouth.

I lay back down, and my cat jumps up on the comforter,

lends her own comforting purr of reassurance.

“Tomorrow is another day. If I awaken I will get another chance...”

The shapes recede, their sting neutralized by the wonderful purrs.

I drift off into contented sleep. Only to awaken a couple hours later,

and repeat the whole process all over again.

The noisy alarm derails my mental maelstrom for good,

or at least for 24 hours.

Time to get up and face the world again.

Oh wow.

Cat-tastic Energy

On a normal day she sleeps all the time,

curled up in my favorite chair,

or on the bed when I need to make it,

or on the floor when I'm trying to get going.

Anywhere that is in the way, she dozes.

Not this day, when I need to concentrate,

need to get things done.

Callie is an archetype of primordial energy.

Zipping around, caterwauling, leaping onto things,

a preemptive dash under my feet for good measure.

Her message is clear:

Anything you do,

I will undo,

or do the opposite.

Once in a while,

when I plop down and sit,

she leaps onto my lap,

looks up at me and purrs.

“But I still love you, dad.”

My unhappiness melts away,

I pet and ruffle her fur,

tickle her belly and play.

We bond in our usual way.

Then she tries to nap on my lap,

right about the time I want to get up.

There goes that timing issue again!

It just never seems to end.

Who, Me?

repurposing to backwardness

There seems to be a trend in industry and even aerospace of re-using proven technologies and methods.  Let's cut back a bit, save some money.  Let's re-use this for that, save some money.   Anything to do more with less.  The problem with this philosophy is it only goes so far.  Just look at Flint, Michigan.   They have been cut and re-purposed and downsized right out of the 20th century, back to near medieval living conditions. 
     Meanwhile, some of the Asian economies are building new stuff.  Innovating wholesale.  So much so that they build all of the flat-panel technology we enjoy.  The US almost lost our entire automotive industry after the meltdown of 2009, only kept it because the government had to step in.  Sometimes the mad rush to penny-pinch our way to a profitable quarter can really cut our throats.  There has to be some NEW developments.  NEW research.  NEW product attempts.  And not all will succeed.  But we really should try to do something novel once in a while.  The occasional technological  "home run" (like the smartphone) may just pull us out of the morass of left-behind second-rater civilizations.
      Company after company will buy someone else out, borrow a lot of money to do it, lay off thousands to fund it, and end up sinking down anyway.  But not before the Management has fled with their golden settlements.   Rust-belt disintegrated America - brought to you by your fine management team.  Give them a round of applause.

stop spinning

We got eight more inches of snow today,

mother nature really sticking it to us,

totally pissed at our constant misdeeds.

Trashing the oceans and fouling the air,

who are we to destroy the one green world

that birthed us, as if we could really go

live on some irradiated desert world.

Yeah right, maybe a few could live underground,

requiring the efforts of the rest of planet Earth

just to keep us alive and fed. Ain't gonna happen!

We have to take care of this planet, this world,

this home, this crib.

But being humans, we won't.

Such heavy worries crease my brow,

when I really just need to pay my bills and

keep going, step by step, day by day,

one day closer to the grave each day.

It's all anyone can really do.

(although it would really be nice to end the

life of some other obnoxious human that

purposely keeps trying to upset me.)

Nothing to say,

just got to get through this day.

And this one,

and this one,

and this one too.

Time spins me through,

and my head spins too,

permanent spin cycle.

How to put a good spin on that.

Hey,

there are two of you.

Treasure from above

     So I'm watching this new show on Netflix, on space memorabilia dealers. And my jaw hits the floor. Not once, but repeatedly. You have presumably rational human beings, offering tens of thousands of dollars for things like leather booties and tethers. The tether flew in space; the booties did not. Ridiculous prices offered for things like signed photographs, and spaceflight hardware. Thrusters, a side plate from an exploded delta II rocket (thousands offered), etc.

     Granted, some key piece of hardware that flew to the Moon and back on an Apollo flight would have a significant historical interest and pedigree. A Hasslblad camera from the CM maybe, or a suit helmet that had been on the Moon. But these dealers waxed enthusiastic over the smallest thing. A pen used on a flight brought (I believe) three thousand. A plain old ink pen, albeit with some velcro still attached from when it flew into space. The Cosmonaut suit that had been on MIR was kind of eye-catching, I must admit.

     So search your attic, and keep an eye peeled at flea markets. That old piece of space junk may just make your next five mortgage payments! I know I'm keeping my eyes peeled. Antiques? Who cares. No one seems to want them anymore. But online gaming awards and tokens? Space memorabilia? Now we are talking real money. Vegas jackpots. Happy hunting.